8.4.12

For some reason one of the biggest things that depress me is when I make a meal and there's no one there to eat it. Or even if they're there physically they aren't in any other way. I don't know why but it just makes me so sad and want to give up on everything. That's what happened today so I didn't even eat and now it's probably all gone anyway so who even gives a damn. I feel like bawling my eyes out while staring at the sea with hard alcohol and cigarettes. My heart feels broken for a lot of reasons and cuz of this. I hate cooking when thus happens. It's like giving an unappreciated gift or like a piece of art that no one cares about. Cuz truly, cooking is to me all those things. Therapy. Gift. Art. What a whiny bitch I am.