5.17.12

I desperately want someone to drive by my house with a car and say, "Let's go", and take me off on an adventure to somewhere. In silence, night driving, under the brilliant desert stars. Inside of me there is always this itching desire for subsersivity, for escape, for something to jolt me out of my deadness. Sometimes I push it down, most of the time actually, for months at a time, a year even.To for once be helplessly alive and overwhelmed in it, to have a moment that can never be confused for a dream, and that I'll never forget. The one moment when I did everything I ever wanted, held nothing back, left nothing untried, had no regrets. Even if this means doing nothing at all, like smoking a cigarette on the roof of some car in the middle of the midwest, or on a cliff over the ocean, staring at the stars in good company or perhaps with my love.