6.5.13

I have this idea based off of the Severe Mercy that I want to read through every journal I have, every blog post, starting when I was like seven or whatever, the way Vaunakan read through the Journal, listened to every song, looked at every photo, in order to face the death of his love. He relived every moment so that each piece of her could die, so he could bind the wound and eventually heal. I hope for something of that same kind to happen to me. I hope to face each hurt, each injustice, to be human in the process, feel emotions, face the pain, in order to heal and ultimately to forgive. I want Dane, and anyone who wants to, to read the journals. Maybe it will be sort of my memior, like Dostoevsky. That's what Anais Nin did, her journals were open to be read by Henry, her old man friend, and Fred, Henry's roommate, her admirer. That sort of transparency of self between people who matter is beautiful, daring, trustful, vulnerable. I want to be a person who can be that way.